Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Other stumbling blocks... self worth, job's worth

This has been written about so many times, in so many forms, that it seems trite to repeat it.  But I got into this dump, and I think that nearly every mother I know did the same. 

Post-partum scruffies.  We've all had them.  The "well nothing fits so I'll just wear the husband's clothes combined with my old preggo stuff, and soon I'll go shopping for myself, but just not right now".  Soon is first thought of as a few weeks, then a few months, and then a  year later, you're find yourself at the park wearing holey shorts and a stained tshirt.  I know I'm not alone on *this* one. 

Some of that comes from not liking your new, motherly body.  Changes happen.  Some are reversible.  Some aren't.  And some you'll deal with when you get a full night's sleep.  It's hard to get back into the game when the game changes so radically.

Another part of that comes, I think, from not valuing ourselves at home.  When I go out, I dress up a bit.  Even to the store.  That's fine and normal, so far as it goes.  But when my base dresscode is the clothes I should really be saving for painting - yikes.  That says that you don't really value what you're doing at home, that it's not important enough to dress for.  Only other people are worth tidying up for - and your husband is rarely categorized as "other people". 

Flylady is all over that, encouraging ladies to have a dress code for home, something that looks cute and is functional.  "Looks cute" is surprisingly not hard to accomplish - but feeling that your at-home clothes are worth spending on, or that anything that is going to get dirty so often is worth washing and maybe ironing... that's something we've moved far away from.

Once upon a time, anything that was worth doing was worth doing well - including getting dressed for work.  Work at home was still work, still valued, and we tidied up.   Certainly at-home clothes are more washable, more comfortable, and probably not as well accessorized - but if we give up on all of that, we get in trouble.
If you never make yourself pretty, you stop thinking of yourself as pretty.  If you stop thinking of yourself as pretty, so do others.  It becomes a nasty cycle, where self-maintenance takes the biggest hit.   And since we *are* worthy, and we do want to be lovely... that's not a good plan.  Then one day you have to go do something important and you find you have nothing to wear.  Like me, every time I get called to a funeral - uh, somber dress clothes?  Um. 
(Remind me I want to make a "must have" list of clothes/outfits)

So, if keeping the home is worth doing - let's do it in style.  If our husbands are worth pleasing, let's please their eyes.  If our kids should know that mommies are beautiful, let's show them how it's done.  We do have to DO it...

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