Sunday, June 22, 2014

Clothing for flirtation

Caveat:  This post is written for the unmarried woman.  This is meant to be advice for breaking past the "I don't want to show that much skin, but gee - the guys just pretend like I'm not there!"

My dear girls.   Please let me apologize.  I'm not sure where we misplaced this advice, but most of the women my age have at least some clue about these little ways of getting attention.  Must have lost them in the mail.  Perhaps we forgot to tell you that all clothing conveys a message - and that it is possible to convey more than one level of information at once!  You can say, "I am intelligent, work hard - and I'm sweet and young and just ripe for marriage" in one outfit.  Really.

Men like women.  Hopefully this is not news.   Men like pretty women with nice figures.  Shocking.  And all the girls around you have this information, and they're using it to buy bandage dresses and 5" heels.

Yes.  It works.  But that's not for you, because you value your modesty.  But what do you do?

You can convey the message that you are a young, healthy woman with a nice figure without buying a bandage dress.  What you want to do is to convey first that you are a woman - radiate femininity.  Men like women, rule one.  The next thing you want to do is to draw attention... to your face.  Draw the eye to your best features.  (Smile lots, by the way - and light makeup is good).  The third thing to do on the physical level is to wear clothing designed to show that you have a nice waistline and soft curves on either side.  (Soft but trim:  Yes, that's what they want.  Trim = young/fit, soft = fertile).

Wear clothing that moves.  I love a good sundress... but any long, loose-ish skirt has potential.  Light fabrics in the warm weather - the floatier the better.   Wool with plenty of swish in cold weather - look cozy.

Your clothes should be designed to make you look more feminine than you already are.  They should have plenty of color - but generally not super bright.  Pink is a winner.  Blue & white?  Perfection.  Men don't LIKE the "latest thing".  You're dressing for men now, not for your girlfriends.  (Fashion is women dressing for women).  Let your colors flatter you... if you have coloring like Snow White, okay - wear the red.  But maybe the white dress and the red bow belt might be better than a red dress?

You want to look approachable.  Clean cut enough that you don't freak them out (kitch is not on this list.  Save it for your maiden aunt), enough fluff to soften the edges.  Wear clothing that makes soft noises or that looks soft and touchable.  (There's not a man born who can resist an angora sweater - don't wear it on a date though, okay?  You will be petted).

Light perfume - something that smells at close range, something personal and memorable, but something nice.  Don't wear just anything.  Baby powder is better than really perfumy-perfume.

That having been accomplished, what you can pack away to clean the bathrooms:  Thick denim.  Thick tshirts, or tshirts that aren't tailored for a woman's figure.  Androgyny sends a strong signal these days - there are five women who can ignore this advice, if you're reading this you're not them.  Anything that completely conceals your figure (that fisherman's sweater or the denim jumper).   Clothing that looks hard or industrial or androgynous (no twee tuxedos).

Going to work?  Buy a silk blouse.  Charmeuse, something thick and not immodest.  Plain and simple, maybe a bow neck - go vintage.  Wear your jewelry, always.  It's completely work-appropriate to look pretty.  You'll be expected to wear a more tailored skirt at the office... nice fabric is your next best friend.  Don't overdo the pink at the office, though.  Can backfire.  Do wear a nice sweater - something fine gauge, nice buttons.  Details are important.

Color.  Texture.  Movement.  Sound/smell.  Sparkle - in your eyes.  Don't be afraid to be pretty.  Every other girl is going for 'sexy'.  Pretty is *your* game, work it to the max.

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  1. You definitely have a talent for clothing advice for women. This is so encouraging for ALL women.

  2. This is great Hearthie. I do most of this, apart from the part about what to wear at the office (I have to wear work issued scrubbs) and the jewelry every day (most earrings make my ears bleed, so I only wear them a few days a week at most). Is there a way to determine which colors look best on you for your skin/hair/eye colors? As for drawing attention to your best features on your face, I concentrate on bringing out my eye color (a rare shade of medium green) with a bit of just the right colors of eye makeup, without over doing it. (Ie, very light makeup).

    I'm not so sure that it competes with "sexy" as far as getting noticed during that first 5 seconds of time needed to be deemed attractive by a man. It seems that men in general (not all men of course) have been so slammed with the sex-saturated culture that they have become desensitized to real beauty in favor of something a lot "sexier".

    1. Depends on the fishy. There are a lot of guys in the stream who are only interested in short-term affection. Wearing clothing like this ... well, they still enjoy it passing by, but it's not a signal they're going to follow. Clothing tells who YOU are - it doesn't change someone else's nature. I have found (at 41, not trim) that dressing in feminine clothing gets me approving glances from men.

      If earrings make your ears bleed, don't wear them! Wear a metal you can wear (if that's the problem) or wear other jewelry - something in your hair is nice. You don't want to be in pain, because that pain will translate itself into your face.

      As far as "what colors look good on me" - you tease me. ;) Half this site is about "how do I tell what colors look good on me". And I LOVE to play with that/help. You can email me @ hearthflower at hotmail if you want to send a pic (in good clear light, minimum makeup/hair color). There is a side bar devoted to "color". It's mostly the traditional Color Me Beautiful analysis, but I'm also liking the Zyla analysis, which depends more on the skin/eye/vein/hair shades, I really narrowed my own CMB colors down with that.

    2. Definitely depends on the fishy. That said, if you doubt that modest can be really attractive, even gorgeous, I invite you to come up to Rochester MN and watch as the Mayo employees go on lunch/coffee break. Half of them come out in scrubs and demonstrate that decent fitness, good posture, and a smile mean a whole lot more than how much décolletage is on display. And the rotation of scrub colors gives a gal (or guy for that matter) a great chance to find out her (his) best colors. Somebody will say "wow, you look great in that color."

      And speaking as a guy, I've got to note that guys worth getting to know can figure out you're attractive in scrubs (really any clothing with "ease")--it's actually easier because one can see the whole silhouette and the fitness/femininity/etc., the opposite of "mental undressing"--and that when someone does uncover their favorite features, it can often be very difficult to talk with them because they're working against eye contact.

    3. You can say, "I am intelligent, work hard - and I'm sweet and young and just ripe for marriage" in one outfit.

      Where are the women you are addressing going to meet eligible bachelors? What is the context? Is this in a dance studio? At a church social? At a party? At a bar where her social circle dances? (I assume that the women avoid bars where everyone is on the make.)

      "Intelligent?" I like it, but an unintelligent man might not.

      "Hard-working?" Sure, if I'm looking for a LTR.

      "Sweet?" Are you making a sammich for the bachelors?

      "Just ripe for marriage?" Do you mean "nubile and fertile--sexy, but exclusive?"

      The approachability question is tricky. I know a woman who is stunningly beautiful and I have no problem approaching her in a bar where I dance, asking her to dance, talking with her, etc. However, there is maybe one other man who will approach her. She is a very good girl--a church girl. Her beauty is intimidating to lots of men. She actually needs to provide comfort to the men in order to get them to approach.

      There are lots of tactical things that she can do--use her wings to tell specific men that she wants to dance with them. Wear warm/sexy colors (as opposed to her white skirt which enhances her beauty--if that is even possible--but is cold). Flirt a lot. Invite men to chat with her (using her wings). Build comfort in men she wants to chat with. Increase her social circle by talking with other women.

    4. I suppose they'd meet them out and about - at the grocery store, at the park, at the office, at church. Not at a bar, we don't wear sundresses to bars. And that's a very poor place to find a marriage-partner - wrong pond. You want another sort of partner.... well. That's on you.

      The "intelligent" was in reference to work - I was imagining a young lady who was in a reception/front desk position. She wants to show her supervisors that she is intelligent and competent and has her mind on the job - but that doesn't have to be at the expense of "feminine". She's got people coming in and out all day long - people who don't work at her company, maybe who might come back and ask to see if she might want to go to lunch sometime...

      Much of this advice is designed to create a feminine (submissive/sweet/approachable) vibe. Color psychology counts. Texture counts. Scent counts. I am very startled to find that many women don't know any of these tricks - this is old school standard-issue info. But apparently they don't.

      I am not an expert - but I know that dressing in a feminine fashion gets ME positive male attention, and I am long past the marriage market.

      None of this will work for Joe One Night Stand. But the audience in question isn't interested in that anyway.

  3. I like this, though I have to comment that at 41, I'm not giving up on marriage just because I didn't figure this stuff out earlier.

  4. Why should you? I'm 42 now - I still dress with a modicum of this vibe, particularly when I'm out and about with my husband.

    I'd wear the same sort of thing - but in richer colors, with more attention to grooming, and perhaps a slightly more structured silhouette.


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