Ladies are ladylike because they want to be ladylike. No one will force you to be a lady, not in this day and age. In fact, people will look at you askance if you make an effort to be a real lady.
And as fond as I am of little gloves and tea sandwiches, those do not make a lady. You can be a lady stark naked in the rain... have you never read "The Princess and the Pea"? Take the real lesson - that who you are isn't about what you show on the outside, but who you are in a trial. (Skip the lesson about being oversensitive).
People are hungry for kindness. Give it to them.
People who don't deserve your kindness will be confused when you give it to them. Allow yourself the amusement at being so dreadfully confusing - and be kind.
It doesn't matter who the object of your kindness is, or what they've done. Be kind. You are a lady for yourself, and for God. That's your motivation. You hold your head up, you smile, you act with consideration... and you point them to Jesus. Mess with those paradigms!
Everyone expects everyone else to act like a gutter snipe. Because that means you're getting your own, or saying what you have to say or being yourself. Well, guess what. The person *I* want to be is kind. So I'm going to be kind. So what if you ...................? Oh, you think I don't know what you did? Pish. I do. I'm still going to be nice to you. Could I humiliate you? Yes. But then I wouldn't be who I want to be.
My end game is making God look good, and hopefully getting a few more souls interested in Him. I'm not going to do that by seeking my own.
So. You want to be a lady? Learn to be kind, and start practicing it, all the time.